A good friend, recently retired, has suggested that I missed a trick with April Fool's Day on Monday. I should have issued a New Release on the following lines:
Breaking News: Buckingham Palace to be re-sited on Fairlop Plain!
News has been released this morning that the iconic palace, Buckingham Palace, is to be re-sited on the green belt of Fairlop Plain. The move will take five years as each brick and stone will be numbered to ensure that the building retains all its much-loved features in the new site. The gardens will be lifted in six metre squares. The whole edifice will be surrounded by a deep moat on which MPs, who are so inclined, will be permitted to float their duck houses.
In addition to the moat, there will be a 20 feet high barbed wire fence. Ivy and flowering clematis will grow on the inside to give royalty a pleasant outlook. The other side will be pretty grim, but what matter!
Said a spokesman: "The moat and barbed wire fence are necessary as a local resident has threatened to lie down in front of the first Royal car and to disrupt any garden parties. It is believed he is a member of the Aldborough Hatch Defence Association (AHDA), an organisation which is now banned under the recently introduced legislation regarding illicit and dangerous gatherings in public places.
"Members of the public are asked to be vigilant and to report any sitings of members of the AHDA, especially Octogenarians. They should not be approached as they may be carrying pitchforks and are easily disturbed."
A spokesman for Redbridge Council welcomed the move of Buckingham Palace to the Borough commenting: "This is just the sort of iconic building we have been looking for on the green belt most of which is just ploughed dirt and earth. Once up, the rest will be concreted over to save time with grass cutting, hedge and tree pruning, and the like.
"We will invite Her Majesty the Queen to the Town Centre on the first Friday of each month when Her Majesty will be autographing photographs of herself with the Leader of the Council - the cash raised going to pay for fact-finding trips to Dubai, Hong Kong, Barbados and other places with similar issues to face to those in Redbridge. These will be of month long duration for obvious reasons (and you can work that out without me explaining!)."
ENDS
All inquiries should be addressed to Father Christmas and the F airies at the Bottom of my Garden
