Fire!

Family and friends will recall that early last year the electricity here in the Old Homestead blew up, necessitating a complete rewiring, with socket outlets all 15 inches above the floor (to avoid floods, I was told - even upstairs!), the provision of a massive light in the rear garden (which lights up the entire neighbourhood if there is movement) and smoke alarms (one in the kitchen, one in the hall and another on the landing). More of the latter later for no-one explained anything about these . . .

Today I journeyed to Fairlop Waters in the buggy to photograph Jenny in the nature reserve. Read next week’s ILFORD RECORDER when all will be revealed.

And so as I was there, I drove over to the Farm Shop on Forest Road, there to stock up with some fine fresh fruit and other goodies. The seeded bread rolls look good - and tasted even better - and I enjoyed the punnet of Dutch strawberries sitting beside the lake and watching youngsters paddling rafts built of oil drums and spars (just as we used to do when I was Scout Leader hereabouts in the 60s).

Amongst my purchases was a pack of asparagus, a luxury I have learned to enjoy once or twice. And so I decided to have five sprigs and three rashers of bacon for my evening meal. The bacon went in the Ramuska whilst the asparagus was seasoned and placed in the frying pan with a little oil. I stood by to watch.

Suddenly - and without any warning - the smoke alarm in the kitchen sent out the sort of screeching that signalled the world was coming to an end (or that Boris was the new PM). At that point something rather important struck me. No-one had told me how to stop the wretched smoke alarm from blasting out into the neighbourhood the message that Ron was about to incinerate his home.

First, I had the presence of mind to turn off both appliances! Then I waved an ironed tea towel in the air - but it did not reach. Screeeeeeech! Out into the garden to bring a long handled broom. I poked with the handle.Screeeeeeech!  I turned the broom around and gave the smoke alarm a firm brushing. Screeeeeeech!  But then it stopped!

Please someone, tell me how to stop a smoke alarm?

 

Regards

Ron

PS The Asparagus was delicious, of slightly singed at the ends, and the bacon was tasty. A bowl of fruit for dessert. I may have a cake before bed!

Buggy ride .. .

It is a fact that I would not have made a competent driver of motorised transport.  And today proved it! I tried to learn to drive in my early twenties, but could not remember which was the brake and which the accelerator - a common fault, I gather, in those olden times of the 50s among a small percentage of the population (some say by the more intelligent, but I would not dare to repeat such a whimsical statement in public).  But in any case, I wanted to marry and buy a house - so a car was out of the question.

Today I had a telephone consultation with my GP, who has decided that in - addition to using the nebuliser as and when during the day - I am to have two tablets of steroids every day. That should steady me up a bit.

Rejoicing in that news, I set off in the buggy to the pharmacy to collect the prescription and to do some shopping. The forecast said there might be a rain shower - so I took an umbrella just in case. All went well as  I rode merrily along Oaks Lane, Chase Lane, Perryman’s Farm Road and into Aldi. 

Then I crossed Horns Road (at the traffic lights) and entered Britannia Pharmacy to purchase some personal bottles and sprays to ensure that I project a pleasing aroma. Here a spied a young lady stacking shelves, so I asked her where I might find such things. But when I followed her I reversed instead of going ahead and crashed into a display stand - which, fortunately, was robust enough to remain where it had stood since early morning. The young lady laughed. Nothing broken. Driving towards the cash desk, I somehow became immersed in the straps that marked the area where the queue forms - and had to be rescued by the same young lady. Who smiled and laughed again. I think it made her day.

Next stop B & Q. I decided to ride round the store to find the items I needed, rather than park outside and push a trolley. I safely navigated where I had to go, but found that the plants I wanted to buy were on the outdoor car park. I started to leave the store - but being Wednesday when B & Q Club Members are afforded 10% discounts, the till area was crowded. 

It was here that I fear I lost my presence of mind!

Reversing, I spotted what I thought were automatic exit barriers. They were not. They were entry barriers. I tried to go through but the barriers were having none of it - and set off screeching alarms. Now what is very odd is that not a single member of staff came over. It was left to a young male shopper to extricate me from the barriers, which were giving my arms a fair battering. I drove out, accompanied  by the alarms making a cacophony of sound that had fellow shoppers standing in awe as they waited for the arrival of the police - who never came.

I parked. Walked to pick up the plants. Back inside I paid. Outside I mounted the buggy and set off. Smiling at all around (for what else do you do?) I was off to Perryman’s Farm Road and Chase Lane at maximum speed (4mph). And here came the rain. Fishing the umbrella from beneath the bananas, grapes and cake (yes, cake!), I set off for home. It was an amusing journey in that passers-by smiled and, in one or two cases, laughed aloud at this old chap careering along with a brolly aloft. I must look into an all-weather canopy for the buggy, although I guess some folk had a tale to tell their friends in the pub this evening. 

Happy Days indeed!