I need convincing that I have not gone stark raving mad!
I have just walked past two signs that confuse me.
The first - in the window of a national supplier of sportswear - read: 'In the interest of safety and security' (or it might have said: 'For safety and security reasons'), 'we reserve the right to request customers to remove their headgear’.
Why? Let me assume for one moment that I am intent on carrying out some dastardly deed, why would I hide the instrument I would use for this purpose under my wooly hat or Trilby? A knife? A gun? A pot of pepper? A can of lethal spray? All of these would sit more easily in my trouser pocket or, in the case of a lady, in her handbag! Why else would I have to remove my headgear?
The second sign appeared on the wall of a road bridge over the Central Line. It stated that “This bridge belongs to London Underground’, which is reassuring for I might have assumed it was owned by some generous philanthropist who had paid for the bridge to be built out of the kindness of his hearts that I might stare down at the trains as they rumble on their way. But it is the next statement that sent me wondering if I am due to be sent out of harms way. It read: ‘In case of a bridge strike Freephone 0800616031’.
What, I ask myself, is a ‘bridge strike’? Do bridges go on strike? Or is the notice intended to imply that if you strike or hit the bridge you should use the Freephone number to report this act of wanton naughtiness?
I wish folk would use plain English and stop trying to be clever. And if I am to be requested to remove my headgear, dare I ask why?
