How about this
for some fun and games!
On 16th October I
wrote an email to a local estate agency who had best remain anonymous. It read
as follows:
Last
week and today letters have arrived clearly addressed to my youngest son,
Richard Jeffries, at this house. I have taken the liberty to open both as I feared
it might be something important of which I should let Richard be aware - as he
is living far away in sunny Norway.
Both
letters are from your esteemed company, 'Voted Best Estate Agency in
London', so the letter tells Richard - which must be comforting for the
lad. You appear to be offering Richard
what you term as an 'Exclusive offer - 50% discount - premium service for
half the normal price’. You want to do an urgent valuation of the house and
promise a quick sale.
I can
only conclude that Richard, my youngest son (who is a professional
photographer), is selling my house!
Are my
other children aware of this? My eldest son is a senior partner in a national
firm of solicitors, whilst my daughter is housing manager for a national
charity. I very much doubt if they are privy to the fact that my youngest son
is selling my house without telling them. But then it could be a fiendish plot
by all three of them to have me whisked away at dead of night so that they can
enjoy the spoils.
Perhaps
I should call the police or dial 999 or call the see the Manager at the local
Aldi, who seems a very pleasant chap who is keen to help the elderly (I am 84,
I would have you know).
I am
unaware of this. When do I move out? Where am I going to live? Will there be
room for all my books? Is Socks, my 15-year-old faithful cat, coming with me?
Shall I cancel the newspaper delivery? Will I be able to do my own ironing?
Shall I bring the homemade soups and fresh fruit salads from the freezer?
I need
to know. And Socks wants to know too for, like me, he will need to say farewell
to his pals. And the garden needs to be tidied.
Please
reply with some degree of urgency - and be quick for I may have gone already!
On 20th October the following email arrived
from a very kind lady at the estate agency:
Thank you for your
wonderful email, very clever, I enjoyed it immensely.
You make a very
relevant point, which I need to address when putting together the wording of
these letters in future.
As marketing
methods go, sending letters addressed to ‘a name’ works too well to cease
sending them completely. We buy names,
to add to the addresses that we wish to send our communications to, from a
reputable data company who follow all the correct data protection rules. It’s the wording of the letter that needs to
change, to reflect the fact that the addressee might not be who we hoped he/she
would be, and that is my responsibility.
Thank you for
bringing this to my attention in a way that has really struck home.
I have taken your
son’s name off our mailing list, and your address. Maybe I should keep your address in our
mailing list and add your name so you can see how I do with updating the
wording of our marketing letters, that’s a scary thought!
Thank you for
taking the time to reply to our letters, I hope this reply to you now doesn’t
sound flippant. I am taking what you
have said seriously and I am sorry for the upset that our letters caused you.
I wrote back today, 17th October:
Very many
thanks for your great email. It is always good - and something of a relief - to
meet someone in your elevated position who has a sense of humour. I am so
pleased you enjoyed my email. You will not be surprised to learn that I quite
enjoyed writing it!
Please be
assured that I do not find you reply flippant and that you did not cause me any
upset - although Socks was a little concerned, so much so that he has been calling
to see all his little friends with the news that he might be moving. Indeed, to
placate him I had to go to Pets at Home to buy some of his favourite gourmet
food. He is more settled since your email arrived on the ether.
Take care -
have a good day - keep smiling. I may put this correspondence onto my FACEBOOK
page - with your company’s name edited out of course - and on my BLOG. If you
like a laugh you might wish to tune into my BLOG which may be found at the
following link: http://justanessexlad.blogspot.co.uk/
But you may
not have time in your very busy life for such frippery and that is perfectly
understandable.
All good fun, as I am sure you will agree!
