Extreme Ironing (EI)

The following paper will be distributed at the weekend and discussed at the Flower Festival 2018 Planning Meeting on  Monday 5th February

Proposal: That the First Aldborough Hatch Extreme Ironing Championships be staged on Sunday 24^th June 2018

on The Green at St. Peter’s Church as part of the Entertainment at the

38^th St. Peter’s Flower Festival and Craft Market

History

Extreme ironing (also called EI) is an extreme sport in which people take ironing boards to remote locations and iron items of clothing. According to the Extreme Ironing Bureau, extreme ironing is "the latest danger sport that combines the thrills of an extreme outdoor activity with the satisfaction of a well-pressed shirt."

Some locations where such performances have taken place include a mountainside of a difficult climb; a forest; in canoe; while skiing or snowboarding; on top of large bronze statues; in the middle of a street; underwater; in the middle of the M1 motorway; whilst parachuting; and under the ice sheet of a frozen lake. The performances have been conducted solo or by groups.

Phil Shaw invented the sport. He arrived home in 1997 in Leicester after a hard day’s work in a knitwear factory to a mountain of ironing and decided it was too dull to iron indoors, so he took it into his garden. When his housemate came home he asked what Phil what he was doing and Phil said, "Extreme Ironing".

There is a German branch of the Extreme Ironing Bureau and the first World Championships were held in 2002, with eighty teams from ten countries who navigated an obstacle course, pressing boxer shorts and blouses while scaling a climbing wall, hanging from a moss-covered tree branch and squeezing through the bonnet of a car. When judging the ironing counts for 60 points, style for 40 and speed for 20. 

There are now some 1,500 extreme ironists practising worldwide and some teams have received corporate backing. Calls are now being made for the sport's inclusion in the Olympics. "If you can have synchronised swimming and curling, I think extreme ironing has as much to offer," Phil has said. And I am with him all the way, especially up that climbing wall!

Ben Fogle – the TV presenter, explorer and toff, whose book I have just read entitled English, Marmite, Queuing and Weather – holds the view - to which I would fully subscribe - that whilst EI is not as physically challenging as some sports, the difficulty lies 'in the extreme embarrassment of ironing in a street in front of large crowds'. 

A branch of ironing has been developed that includes both bungee jumping and well-pressed clothing. Bungee ironing is what some would call the ultimate in the thrill of extreme ironing. The sport gained international attention after a documentary entitled Extreme Ironing: Pressing for Victory, was produced for Channel 4 by Wag TV. The programme followed the British team's efforts and eventual Bronze and Gold placings in the 1st Extreme Ironing World Championships in Germany. A side-story looked at the rivalry between the EIB (Extreme Ironing Bureau) and a breakaway group called Urban Housework who were trying to establish their own extreme sport based around vacuum-cleaning.

I would propose that the St. Peter’s Flower Festival 2018 Planning Meeting on Monday 5^th February 2018 consider the Proposal overleaf.

Proposal

(1) That the First-ever Aldborough Hatch Extreme Ironing Championships be staged on Sunday 24^th June 2018 at a prime time, such as late morning or early afternoon, on The Green at St. Peter’s Church as part of the Entertainment.

(2) That the Championships be divided into two stages:

Stage One: Stationary Ironing in which the Contestants are required to iron two tea towels and two handkerchiefs to a high standard over a 10-minute period, points being awarded for ironing (60 points) and style (40).

Stage Two: Ironing on the Obstacle Course. This would be along the pathways in the churchyard where three ‘ironing points’ would be marked where contestants would be required to iron one tea towel and one handkerchief to a high standard. A series of simple obstacles would litter the course (such as a bath of water which contestants would be required to wade from one end to the other and other jolly capers, but no climbing ladders, onto roof tops or up church towers for we want to encourage young and the elderly to participate). Points would be awarded as follows: ironing (40 points), overcoming obstacles with style and grace (40) and speed (20 to the winner, 15 to the second and 10 to the third). Those coming in after an hour would be referred to the paramedics on hand that day.

(3) A suitably inscribed cup would be presented to the winner to be retained until the date of the next Championships. The winner’s name would be inscribed on the cup.

(4) Certificates would be awarded to all, including those who need paramedic attention.

(5) Ben Fogle will be invited to act as Chief Judge and will be offered travelling expenses from his home in West London (40p per mile) but no fee (although we would present him with a signed copy of Aldborough Hatch – The Village in the Suburbs – A History). Ron Jeffries would be Assistant Judge, but in the event of Ben Fogle not being available due to the fact that he is rowing down the Nile in a Pith Helmet or swimming the Channel in a Mr Blobby Suit, Ron Jeffries would assume the mantle of Chief Judge. The decisions of the Chief Judge will be final and no appeals will be tolerated. No Sir!

(6) A flyer would be produced with the rules – including maximum size of ironing board, iron, tea towels and handkerchiefs, appropriate attire (we do not want anyone flaunting themselves in unseemly fashion). An entry fee of a punnet of fresh strawberries would be required from each contestant, brought on the day and handed to the Chief Judge.

(7) The Championships would be widely advertised in the media – local press, TV and radio to encourage maximum crowds and TV, radio and press coverage. It will be necessary to have stewards controlling the crowds to that when The Green’s capacity has been reached for both those seated and standing, onlookers be encouraged to line up on the pavement in Oaks Lane to watch over the hedge (which may need to be trimmed to a reasonable height). Crowd control on the obstacle course route is essential.

Important caveat: If this is approved, I would insert a notice in the March BROADSHEET inviting potential contestants to contact me for details. Unless we have a minimum of six signed up by mid-April, we will NOT go ahead.

Ron Jeffries CSM

1^st February 2018                                              *CSM: Certified of Sound Mind

The English Sport of Extreme Ironing (EI) and The First Ever EI Championships in Aldborough Hatch

I first became aware of Ben Fogle when he took part in the BBC reality show Castaway 2000, which followed a group of thirty-six people marooned on the Scottish island of Taransay for a year, starting on 1st January 2000. This was a social experiment aimed at creating a fully self-sufficient community within a year. Since that time I have come across Ben as a TV presenter and explorer - and a chap with a sense of humour. A bit of a toff in some ways, for he went not to just one but to two private schools, but a pleasant kind of cove and not like the toffs you see wingeing away on the back benches in the House of Commons. I quite take to Ben.

Shortly before Christmas I bought some books as presents at Waterstones and was told by a kindly young lady who served me that I had sufficient points to spend a few pounds on a book for myself. It was then that I spotted that Ben had written a new book with the intriguing title English - A story of Marmite, Queuing and Weather.

I finished the book last evening and it is a winner, that's for sure. If you wish to borrow my copy, Cedric, you are welcome to do so, but I will require you to sign an undertaking that you will return the book to me within 21 days or pay me the cover price so the I may purchase another copy. It is the sort of book to be dipped into on a wet winter's afternoon or a hot summer's day. Or if you wake up at three in the morning, as I often do these days.

There is much I could tell you about the book - but you will have to borrow my copy (on the above terms) or buy your own. However, there is one chapter dealing with English sports - such as cricket, ferret legging and bandy, and the Cotswold Olimpic Games which were revived in 1951 to be run as the World Shin-kicking Championships. 

Ben writes: "My personal favourite English sport is one that  was only invented twenty years ago - Extreme Ironing. 'EI', as it is known, is very simple: people take an ironing board to an extreme or unusual location and . . . iron an item of clothing."

A man called Phil Shaw invented the sport. He arrived home in 1997 in Leicester after work to a mountain of ironing and decided it was too dull to iron indoors, so took it into his garden. When his housemate came home he asked what Phil what he was doing and Phil said "Extreme Ironing".

There is a German branch of the Extreme Ironing Bureau and the first World Championships were held in 2002, with eighty teams from ten countries who navigated an obstacle course, pressing boxers shorts and blouses while scaling a climbing wall, hanging from a moss-covered tree branch and squeezing through the bonnet of a car. When judging the ironing counts for 60 points, style for 40 and speed for 20. 

There are now some 1,500 extreme ironists practising worldwide and some teams have received corporate backing. Calls are now being made for the sport's inclusion in the Olympics. "If you can have synchronised swimming and curling, I think extreme ironing has as much to offer," Phil has said. And I am with him all the way, especially up that climbing wall!

Ben's view - to which I would fully subscribe - is that whilst EI is not as physically challenging as some sports, the difficulty lies 'in the extreme embarrassment of ironing in a street in front of large crowds'. 

Now why am I telling you this, you may well ask? And it is a very good question. The year 2018 will see the Thirty-eighth consecutive St. Peter's Aldborough Hatch Flower Festival and Craft Market on 23rd, 24th and 25th June in the County of Essex in England's Green and Pleasant Land.  There is to be a meeting very shortly when plans will be laid for the event.

Now I will stick my neck out here - as I have done on a  few occasions in my long and merry life, only to have to bounced about or hit with a very heavy hammer and, would you believe it, even kicked. I fear that the entertainment on the Green on Saturday and Sunday of the Festival Weekend needs some spicing up. Let me hasten to add that this is in no way a criticism of the excellent folk who have organised the show and have danced, sung, played music and otherwise entertained us on that Green for all those 37 years - some of whom have gone on to national and even international stardom on TV and stage. No Sir! Never let it be said. But all the same a bit spicing up could draw in even greater crowds - and we can do with the money.

And so my plan, which I will put to the planning group for 2018, is that we should hold the First Ever Aldborough Hatch Extreme Ironing Championships. Those entering would be required to bring their own ironing boards and irons, with flexible extension leads. The items to be washed would be restricted to tea towels, which would have been boiled for a minimum of ten minutes in best quality washing powder and stain remover, before being machine washed for the requisite time, and dried in the fresh open air of Aldborough Hatch, but not too much so that ironing may be done to perfection with no creases. 

 The Championships would be in two parts. The first would be stationary on the Green and be judged on neatness and folding techniques. The second part would require the participants to cover an obstacle course around the churchyard, carrying their ironing board, iron and tea towels, stopping at fixed points to iron and climbing over a variety of obstacles. I will devise a suitable points system for this cannot be left to any Tom, Dick or Harry - or Ermintrude, Hilary or Mavis. What fun!

I will personally invite Ben Fogle to attend in the role of Chief Senior Judge. Should Ben be unable to accept our invitation due to other more pressing engagements, such as scaling Everest or rowing down the River Nile in nothing but a pith helmet, I will appoint myself in the role of Chief Senior Judge, for I now have something of a reputation as a tea-towel-ironer.

I will not put this proposition to the 2018 Flower Festival Planning Group in person, but via this message, for I fear for my safety as I have not been very well lately and there are some folk who would chase me across Fairlop Waters with a mop and bucket for being so forward and cheeky!

But let St. Peter's grasp the nettle with both hands, I say. Have the courage to be bold in these turbulent times when we could soon be jumping in unison off the White Cliffs of Dover or cowering under our duvets if the Man-Across-The-Pond pushes the wrong button.

Over to you Batman and Batwoman! Go for it!

Offline!

I have been offline for a few days. I spent six hours in A & E at King George Hospital on Friday 26th with a friend and visited on Saturday - but I guess I picked up a bug or three for it knocked me out on Sunday. I am now on my emergency medication of antibiotics and steroids and on day three feel much better - in fact almost back to my old self, but not ready to run up the sides of cliffs or jump into rivers! My friend is making good progress, which is encouraging, with visitors from St. Peter's, so I had best keep away for a day or two as I do not want to relapse.

KGH was heaving in A & E and the Assessment Ward, with so many elderly folk who were extremely unwell. How the Government can think of closing this facility is totally beyond belief!

Snow!

Snow came to Redbridge at lunchtime on Sunday 21st January, settling for a time on Spring bulbs just about to burst into flower - crocus and daffodil - in my garden in Aldborough Hatch. Bitterly cold, so much so that Jennefer and I made a joint decision not to go to London this evening for the final night of London Lumaire. We had planned to meet with Paul and to view Westminster Abbey - but, as Jennefer put it, my family would not be pleased to hear that I had gone to London on such a cold night! I guess that as I gallop towards 85 I need to take heed of what folk say!

Obsession!

Has boiling, washing and ironing tea towels and handkerchiefs become an obsession - as one lady told me today! And that lady is always right! Note the new ironing board!

London Lumaire!

On Friday evening I attended Westminster Cathedral where the Choir of St Paul's Cathedral were is going Evenson in this Week of Christian Unity. I stayed to see some of London Lumaire - as here. Sunday I will be back at Westminster Abbey.

Westminster Cathedral
Discover how simple technology is changing thousands of lives across the world with The Rose at Westminster Cathedral. Lumiere London celebrates light in all its forms but for many people access to light is a luxury, and Mick Stephenson's installation with Electric Pedals (UK) highlights how communities can be transformed by light.
A rose window with a difference, this work is made from thousands of recycled plastic bottles transformed into beautiful illuminated art. In another twist, The Rose is powered by bicycles pedalled by members of the public. Join in and work off those Christmas calories!
Artist Stephenson explores issues relating to poverty, sustainability and climate change in his works. Filled with bottles designed during workshops with local school children, The Rose asks us to acknowledge the growing need for alternative technologies to support our everyday lives.
Stephenson's Litre of Light installation for Lumiere London 2016 attracted thousands to Central Saint Martins. He also created installations for Lumiere Durham in 2015, 2013 and 2011.

St Martin-in-the-Fields
Venture to a quiet corner of the bustling city, and you'll find a pink neon ladder shining brightly, offering a fantasy escape route. Dreamlike, it disappears into the ether above like a glowing stairway to heaven in St Martin-in-the-Fields.
Echelle is the work of Ron Haselden (France/UK), an international artist working with light, electronics, sound, film and other materials. He lives and works in London and in Plouër-sur-Rance, France.

Trafalgar Square
Encounter a cloud made up of a large number of luminous balloons, wafting in space, with Child Hood from Collectif Coin (France), co-produced by La Casemate. The balloons move gently in the wind at Trafalgar Square, introducing an element of chaos into this otherwise meticulously ordered sound and light composition.

Grenoble-based Collectif Coin produce both monumental shows and intimate installations with trans-disciplinary works focusing on the digital arts. With a strong attachment to site-specific art, the French artists explore a dreamy and somewhat naïve vision of the digital technologies that surround us in everyday life through ideas about body, sound and light.

There's the dustbin?

Today is refuse collection day. Last evening, as usual, I moved the dustbin with sacks inside to the front gate area together with the two recycling boxes. As it was windy I placed a flower pot - large plastic one filled with bulbs - on top of the boxes.

Gales in the night. Wind could be heard against the bedroom windows. I went out at 6.45am to remove the black sacks from the dustbin to aid the men - to find that the dustbin had gone! The lid was in the garden - but no dustbin. One sack was in the gutter so I rescued that. 

The flower pot was on the garden - soil and bulbs tipped out. The top recycling box had lost all its plastic bottles - just one glass bottle left. The paper and cardboard box was intact.

The wind continues to blow mightily so I will wait till light to go looking for the dustbin. If you see one, let me know!

That's a first!