The English Sport of Extreme Ironing (EI) and The First Ever EI Championships in Aldborough Hatch

I first became aware of Ben Fogle when he took part in the BBC reality show Castaway 2000, which followed a group of thirty-six people marooned on the Scottish island of Taransay for a year, starting on 1st January 2000. This was a social experiment aimed at creating a fully self-sufficient community within a year. Since that time I have come across Ben as a TV presenter and explorer - and a chap with a sense of humour. A bit of a toff in some ways, for he went not to just one but to two private schools, but a pleasant kind of cove and not like the toffs you see wingeing away on the back benches in the House of Commons. I quite take to Ben.

Shortly before Christmas I bought some books as presents at Waterstones and was told by a kindly young lady who served me that I had sufficient points to spend a few pounds on a book for myself. It was then that I spotted that Ben had written a new book with the intriguing title English - A story of Marmite, Queuing and Weather.

I finished the book last evening and it is a winner, that's for sure. If you wish to borrow my copy, Cedric, you are welcome to do so, but I will require you to sign an undertaking that you will return the book to me within 21 days or pay me the cover price so the I may purchase another copy. It is the sort of book to be dipped into on a wet winter's afternoon or a hot summer's day. Or if you wake up at three in the morning, as I often do these days.

There is much I could tell you about the book - but you will have to borrow my copy (on the above terms) or buy your own. However, there is one chapter dealing with English sports - such as cricket, ferret legging and bandy, and the Cotswold Olimpic Games which were revived in 1951 to be run as the World Shin-kicking Championships. 

Ben writes: "My personal favourite English sport is one that  was only invented twenty years ago - Extreme Ironing. 'EI', as it is known, is very simple: people take an ironing board to an extreme or unusual location and . . . iron an item of clothing."

A man called Phil Shaw invented the sport. He arrived home in 1997 in Leicester after work to a mountain of ironing and decided it was too dull to iron indoors, so took it into his garden. When his housemate came home he asked what Phil what he was doing and Phil said "Extreme Ironing".

There is a German branch of the Extreme Ironing Bureau and the first World Championships were held in 2002, with eighty teams from ten countries who navigated an obstacle course, pressing boxers shorts and blouses while scaling a climbing wall, hanging from a moss-covered tree branch and squeezing through the bonnet of a car. When judging the ironing counts for 60 points, style for 40 and speed for 20. 

There are now some 1,500 extreme ironists practising worldwide and some teams have received corporate backing. Calls are now being made for the sport's inclusion in the Olympics. "If you can have synchronised swimming and curling, I think extreme ironing has as much to offer," Phil has said. And I am with him all the way, especially up that climbing wall!

Ben's view - to which I would fully subscribe - is that whilst EI is not as physically challenging as some sports, the difficulty lies 'in the extreme embarrassment of ironing in a street in front of large crowds'. 

Now why am I telling you this, you may well ask? And it is a very good question. The year 2018 will see the Thirty-eighth consecutive St. Peter's Aldborough Hatch Flower Festival and Craft Market on 23rd, 24th and 25th June in the County of Essex in England's Green and Pleasant Land.  There is to be a meeting very shortly when plans will be laid for the event.

Now I will stick my neck out here - as I have done on a  few occasions in my long and merry life, only to have to bounced about or hit with a very heavy hammer and, would you believe it, even kicked. I fear that the entertainment on the Green on Saturday and Sunday of the Festival Weekend needs some spicing up. Let me hasten to add that this is in no way a criticism of the excellent folk who have organised the show and have danced, sung, played music and otherwise entertained us on that Green for all those 37 years - some of whom have gone on to national and even international stardom on TV and stage. No Sir! Never let it be said. But all the same a bit spicing up could draw in even greater crowds - and we can do with the money.

And so my plan, which I will put to the planning group for 2018, is that we should hold the First Ever Aldborough Hatch Extreme Ironing Championships. Those entering would be required to bring their own ironing boards and irons, with flexible extension leads. The items to be washed would be restricted to tea towels, which would have been boiled for a minimum of ten minutes in best quality washing powder and stain remover, before being machine washed for the requisite time, and dried in the fresh open air of Aldborough Hatch, but not too much so that ironing may be done to perfection with no creases. 

 The Championships would be in two parts. The first would be stationary on the Green and be judged on neatness and folding techniques. The second part would require the participants to cover an obstacle course around the churchyard, carrying their ironing board, iron and tea towels, stopping at fixed points to iron and climbing over a variety of obstacles. I will devise a suitable points system for this cannot be left to any Tom, Dick or Harry - or Ermintrude, Hilary or Mavis. What fun!

I will personally invite Ben Fogle to attend in the role of Chief Senior Judge. Should Ben be unable to accept our invitation due to other more pressing engagements, such as scaling Everest or rowing down the River Nile in nothing but a pith helmet, I will appoint myself in the role of Chief Senior Judge, for I now have something of a reputation as a tea-towel-ironer.

I will not put this proposition to the 2018 Flower Festival Planning Group in person, but via this message, for I fear for my safety as I have not been very well lately and there are some folk who would chase me across Fairlop Waters with a mop and bucket for being so forward and cheeky!

But let St. Peter's grasp the nettle with both hands, I say. Have the courage to be bold in these turbulent times when we could soon be jumping in unison off the White Cliffs of Dover or cowering under our duvets if the Man-Across-The-Pond pushes the wrong button.

Over to you Batman and Batwoman! Go for it!

Offline!

I have been offline for a few days. I spent six hours in A & E at King George Hospital on Friday 26th with a friend and visited on Saturday - but I guess I picked up a bug or three for it knocked me out on Sunday. I am now on my emergency medication of antibiotics and steroids and on day three feel much better - in fact almost back to my old self, but not ready to run up the sides of cliffs or jump into rivers! My friend is making good progress, which is encouraging, with visitors from St. Peter's, so I had best keep away for a day or two as I do not want to relapse.

KGH was heaving in A & E and the Assessment Ward, with so many elderly folk who were extremely unwell. How the Government can think of closing this facility is totally beyond belief!

Snow!

Snow came to Redbridge at lunchtime on Sunday 21st January, settling for a time on Spring bulbs just about to burst into flower - crocus and daffodil - in my garden in Aldborough Hatch. Bitterly cold, so much so that Jennefer and I made a joint decision not to go to London this evening for the final night of London Lumaire. We had planned to meet with Paul and to view Westminster Abbey - but, as Jennefer put it, my family would not be pleased to hear that I had gone to London on such a cold night! I guess that as I gallop towards 85 I need to take heed of what folk say!

Obsession!

Has boiling, washing and ironing tea towels and handkerchiefs become an obsession - as one lady told me today! And that lady is always right! Note the new ironing board!

London Lumaire!

On Friday evening I attended Westminster Cathedral where the Choir of St Paul's Cathedral were is going Evenson in this Week of Christian Unity. I stayed to see some of London Lumaire - as here. Sunday I will be back at Westminster Abbey.

Westminster Cathedral
Discover how simple technology is changing thousands of lives across the world with The Rose at Westminster Cathedral. Lumiere London celebrates light in all its forms but for many people access to light is a luxury, and Mick Stephenson's installation with Electric Pedals (UK) highlights how communities can be transformed by light.
A rose window with a difference, this work is made from thousands of recycled plastic bottles transformed into beautiful illuminated art. In another twist, The Rose is powered by bicycles pedalled by members of the public. Join in and work off those Christmas calories!
Artist Stephenson explores issues relating to poverty, sustainability and climate change in his works. Filled with bottles designed during workshops with local school children, The Rose asks us to acknowledge the growing need for alternative technologies to support our everyday lives.
Stephenson's Litre of Light installation for Lumiere London 2016 attracted thousands to Central Saint Martins. He also created installations for Lumiere Durham in 2015, 2013 and 2011.

St Martin-in-the-Fields
Venture to a quiet corner of the bustling city, and you'll find a pink neon ladder shining brightly, offering a fantasy escape route. Dreamlike, it disappears into the ether above like a glowing stairway to heaven in St Martin-in-the-Fields.
Echelle is the work of Ron Haselden (France/UK), an international artist working with light, electronics, sound, film and other materials. He lives and works in London and in Plouër-sur-Rance, France.

Trafalgar Square
Encounter a cloud made up of a large number of luminous balloons, wafting in space, with Child Hood from Collectif Coin (France), co-produced by La Casemate. The balloons move gently in the wind at Trafalgar Square, introducing an element of chaos into this otherwise meticulously ordered sound and light composition.

Grenoble-based Collectif Coin produce both monumental shows and intimate installations with trans-disciplinary works focusing on the digital arts. With a strong attachment to site-specific art, the French artists explore a dreamy and somewhat naïve vision of the digital technologies that surround us in everyday life through ideas about body, sound and light.

There's the dustbin?

Today is refuse collection day. Last evening, as usual, I moved the dustbin with sacks inside to the front gate area together with the two recycling boxes. As it was windy I placed a flower pot - large plastic one filled with bulbs - on top of the boxes.

Gales in the night. Wind could be heard against the bedroom windows. I went out at 6.45am to remove the black sacks from the dustbin to aid the men - to find that the dustbin had gone! The lid was in the garden - but no dustbin. One sack was in the gutter so I rescued that. 

The flower pot was on the garden - soil and bulbs tipped out. The top recycling box had lost all its plastic bottles - just one glass bottle left. The paper and cardboard box was intact.

The wind continues to blow mightily so I will wait till light to go looking for the dustbin. If you see one, let me know!

That's a first!

It only took two years!

This hedge in Oaks Lane, adjacent to Roy Gardens, was finally cut back yesterday. Ward Councillors and the Aldborough Hatch Defence Association have joined with a resident to lobby the landowners, Redbridge Council, to insist that their tenant keeps the hedges in good order. It has only taken two years to get this done. No further comment!

I have a letter in THE GUARDIAN

I am feeling quite overwhelmed. In fact, I am, sat sitting here at my desk in wonderment of delight!

We old codgers enjoy simple pleasures. The sight of a red sky at night. The sound of a sparrow singing away in the garden. The first snowdrops. And, wonder of wonders, a letter in THE GUARDIAN!

On Monday THE GUARDIAN, which I have read for the past 64 years or so, went tabloid. Yes, after 197 years it now fits snugly on my breakfast table - not that I have read it for 197 years, of course.

Ploughing through the new format on Monday. I was thunderstruck to find that my GUARDIAN no longer told me what the weather was doing in Oslo, where youngest son, Richard, and his Norwegian wife, Stine, live. And so I felt duty bound to write a letter. And there it is. In print. In THE GUARDIAN!

The letter reads: 'New tabloid format fine, but you have omitted Oslo from the weather. I can no longer tell my son, who lives there, whether or not it is snowing.'

So there it is. My fourth letter in THE GUARDIAN. And all have been of two sentences and no more. Brevity is the key, I guess.

Have a good day. Now to enjoy the rest of the paper . . . where all my favourite writers are there to enjoy. What a lucky lad I am to be sure!

Alexa and Whiter Shade of Pale

Taking a break from wash-day (two saucepanful of whites - handkerchiefs and tea towels in Fairy Non-Bio and Oxi Stain Remover, whilst non-iron shorts and other unmentionables are in the washing machine). Alexa played 'A whiter shade of pale' by Procul Harem and then a selection of music by the James Last Orchestra (founded in 1964 and still going strong, I would have you know, and I have a Vinyl box set which must be worth a mint of money).

And as I stirred the whites, I opened the new format GUARDIAN (tabloid from today, in case you did not know, Cedric) to find a piece by Rhik Samadder headlined "Alexa, who's the boss round here, me or you?" It was the first line that stopped me in my tracks. It reads: "Got an Amazon Echo for Christmas, just like every other basic-issue human." And Rhik went on to write "Alexa, play Whiter Shade of Pale, I bellow the instant I get in the door" - which is what I do too! Or "Play James Blunt" or "Play the Choir of St Paul's Cathedral." Although I am unsure if Rhik would want either of those - although you never can tell these days.

All this is very interesting for I, too, bellow at Alexa. I have been told I do not need to shout - but I cannot help it. Not that I ever bellow at ladies, but Alexa seems different.

I tell all my friends who call that I have a new lady in my life and their reactions are mixed but interesting. Raised eyebrows. Looks of disbelief. Mouth open - but no words come tumbling out. Some have met or heard of Alexa elsewhere. but others are taken in. One good friend offered to be a bridesmaid - so I had to quickly disillusion her (and my daughter made it very clear that there would be NO bridesmaids while she is around to sort me out).

But I cannot sit here wittering away - for the washing machine has stopped and the whites need to go in now that they have been stain-removed.

A walk on a grey January morning

A walk on this grey January morning on the new conservation area of what was once Aldborough Hall Farm - restoration is now taking place after sand and gravel extraction. The entrance is in Aldborough Road North between Applegarth Drive and the Dick Turpin. At this stage there is a permissive bridleway which leads nowhere - but eventually it will exit at Painters Road and then lead into Fairlop Waters (I am told that will take place in about 10 years time - I just hope I live long enough to see it! We are told that it is too dangerous for us locals to exit at Painters Road - many of us have walked down that road more times that council officers haver had good dinners!). There is now an Information board a few yards inside the entrance from Aldborough Road North and another board at the first of two observation areas - the Aldborough Hatch Defence Association members who met with Redbridge Councillors and representatives of developers Brett Tarmac last summer suggested that information boards would be useful - and we are pleased to see that these have now been installed by Brett Tarmac. The metal fence - which makes the place look like a prison - is being dismantled and replaced with a post and wire fence, while the willows have been cut down and will now form a low hedge rather than a barrier. There is still much to be done and it seems to take an inordinate amount of time to get anything done! But we are ever optimistic. On the way home I took a shot of St.Peter's at the start of Bridleway 93.

It lasted!

The following might amuse on this dark and cold Saturday morning. I wrote this as a filler for the February 2018 BROADSHEET which went to press last week and will shortly be distributed to some 1,400 homes in Aldborough Hatch and wing its way by post to some 30 readers and by email to over 300 others around the country and the world!

How it all began!

Have you wondered how long the BROADSHEET has been in this two-sides-of-A4 format? Here’s how!

In the summer of 1980, the Revd Bill Barnes invited me to edit the Parish Magazine – an occasional publication which the Revd Barnes produced as and when he felt like it. The magazine was of eight or 12 pages, run off on a duplicator and came out perhaps four or so times a year.

I offered to edit a monthly newsletter of two sides of A4 paper. “Not enough,” said the Revd Barnes. “It must be at least twelve pages.”

But I stuck to my guns, for I was convinced few would read more than two sides of A4. “Make it eight pages,” said the Revd Barnes. “Two sides of A4 or nothing!” said I. “Four pages,” pleaded the Revd Barnes. “Two sides of A4,” said I with a glint in my eye as I sensed victory.

“Right,” cried the Revd Barnes, “but it will never last and I insist that you have a Committee to guide you.”

The Committee met once, but I never called another meeting! The first issue appeared in September 1980. Packed with exciting news items, we read that Pat Hicks was looking for volunteers to pot attractive plants for the Bazaar, whilst readers were invited to “save your wool and your number nines for a knitting event in January”.

The October 1980 issue carried the first of many articles written under the pseudonym Tailcorn (Shirley Rudge in case you did not know!) with the opening paragraph: “It is with some sadness that I watched the men cut the corn for the last time on the field designated for gravel . . .”

I have copies of every issue in two ring binders and three folders. As editor, I have had three members of St. Peter’s organising the local distribution to homes in the parish – Una Paul, Yvonne and today Glenn Harvey – numerous good folk posting copies through letterboxes, whilst six incumbents have written the leading articles over those 37 years. And today we email copies to over 300 addresses around the world!

And, what’s more, it has lasted! RJ

Snowdrop

As the photograph in the RECORDER did not scan too well, here is the original! Bought "in the green" three years ago for a sum that is scarcely credible, it now has four flowers - increasing each year!

Ironing board!

Yesterday the ironing board collapsed in a great heap. The legs may just be seen though the kitchen door in the shot here. Off I went this morning to Ilford to seek out a replacement. I examined a few, I can tell you, but in the end I settled for a Saturn by Minky Homecare - as seen in my kitchen in all its glory.

This UK manufacturer of Homewares and Laundry was established in 1941, I would have you know. I surmised that having been around for some 76 years they are probably reputable. Then I spotted that the company is By Appointment not merely to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II but also to HRH The Prince of Wales as manufacturers of cleaning and laundry products. That clinched things for me. If it is good enough for HM The Queen and Young Charles, it’s good enough for me - although I have serious doubts as to whether or not either of them have ever used an ironing board or even know what one is!

I  noted that it has 'steam safe iron angle, superior steam efficient foam backing, sturdy 4-leg design and steam flow mesh system’. How could I possibly go wrong, for this is clearly an ironing board of repute. Made in the United Kingdom, there is a one year guarantee - so I will keep the packing carefully just in case anything goes wrong. I note that I have to 'run a hot steam iron over the cover before use’ and that I may go onto the Minty website for further details, but I doubt I will need to do this for everything seems to be in good order.

The London Borough of Redbridge will be collecting my old ironing board on Friday 19th January as part of their bulk collection service. I had considered keeping the old metal structure and hanging flower pots upon it - but it is beyond such use I fear. That is life, as the art mistress said to the gardener, or was it the bishop who said that to the actress?