News Release!

A good friend, recently retired, has suggested that I missed a trick with April Fool's Day on Monday. I should have issued a New Release on the following lines:

Breaking News: Buckingham Palace to be re-sited on Fairlop Plain!

News has been released this morning that the iconic palace, Buckingham Palace, is to be re-sited on the green belt of Fairlop Plain. The move will take five years as each brick and stone will be numbered to ensure that the building retains all its much-loved features in the new site. The gardens will be lifted in six metre squares. The whole edifice will be surrounded by a deep moat on which MPs, who are so inclined, will be permitted to float their duck houses.

In addition to the moat, there will be a 20 feet high barbed wire fence. Ivy and flowering clematis will grow on the inside to give royalty a pleasant outlook. The other side will be pretty grim, but what matter!

Said a spokesman: "The moat and barbed wire fence are necessary as a local resident has threatened to lie down in front of the first Royal car and to disrupt any garden parties. It is believed he is a member of the Aldborough Hatch Defence Association (AHDA), an organisation which is now banned under the recently introduced legislation regarding illicit and dangerous gatherings in public places.

"Members of the public are asked to be vigilant and to report any sitings of members of the AHDA, especially Octogenarians. They should not be approached as they may be carrying pitchforks and are easily disturbed."

A spokesman for Redbridge Council welcomed the move of Buckingham Palace to the Borough commenting: "This is just the sort of iconic building we have been looking for on the green belt most of which is just ploughed dirt and earth. Once up, the rest will be concreted over to save time with grass cutting, hedge and tree pruning, and the like.

"We will invite Her Majesty the Queen to the Town Centre on the first Friday of each month when Her Majesty will be autographing photographs of herself with the Leader of the Council - the cash raised going to pay for fact-finding trips to Dubai, Hong Kong, Barbados and other places with similar issues to face to those in Redbridge. These will be of month long duration for obvious reasons (and you can work that out without me explaining!)."

ENDS

All inquiries should be addressed to Father Christmas and the F airies at the Bottom of my Garden

Garden time

There is much afoot in my rear garden! The ranch fence I built 54 years ago finally collapsed in the winter, but the concrete posts are in good heart (although George, who is fixing the fence for me, tells me that they are not in a straight line!). Tmber arrived today, new bolts are in place and it should all take shape tomorrow.

Meantime I have been busy in the greenhouse, potting up Moneymaker Tomato plants for the Community Memorial Garden at St. Peter's and Tumbling Tomatoes for my hanging baskets.

I have also made a start at propagating some salvia - Africa Sky and Hot Lips are my favourites.

Nice warm sunshine today - more work in the greenhouse tomorrow.

Where have all the ties gone?

I attended a residents' association's coffee morning today. Some dozen or so men were there - and I was the only one wearing a tie. Even the speaker was tie-less.

Sitting on a bus recently in the City of London at lunchtime, I noticed that about 10% of men in suits wore ties.

What is England coming to, I ask myself? I am about to go into the greenhouse and will still be wearing a tie.

I am not a Colonel Blimp nor a right-wing or left-wing bigot. In fact, I am very liberal in my outlook and views - and some say very young for my 86 years.

But this tie-less age is getting me very, very upset. No wonder Tie Rack closed down!

No Booing!

A small colour leaflet dropped through my door today. Headed 'Zumba Fitness', it attracted my immediate attention.

I have no idea what Zumba is, but guess it might be some sort of dance gymnastics. Sub-headings read: 'Pay as you go', 'No contract', 'Classes are just £6'. I was becoming interested, but then two lines hit me between the eyes.

The first read: ' Ladies only' - so that ruled me out.

The second read: 'No Booing Necessary'. Yes, No Booing! What is happening here? Do these Ladies Boo - and if so why? And why is it unnecessary? Surely booing is not very lady-like!

I need some answers or I will not sleep soundly this evening - especially as these sessions are to be held starting this Thursday evening in a hall not a few yards from where I live. I am

Magnificent!

The Spring bulbs throughout St. Peter's Churchyard in Aldborough Hatch, Essex, are just magnificent. Tete a Tete Narcissus (daffodil to you and me), crocus, primula, tulip and wild violets (the latter just appeared over recent years whereas the rest were planted by members and their friends)are in full flower now. Do visit if you are living nearby. More will be planted in the autumn.

Let battle commence!

Having been part of the team that fought off the threat of an all-weather racecourse in Fairlop Waters County Park and the gravel haul road trashing through the Country Park here on the very edge of London’s green belt, and will now see off the descent of the London Markets on Hainault Farm, I am now facing another major battle - against Mr Squirrel (or even Mrs Squirrel for all I know).

Recently sparrows returns to my garden. So I invested in new bird feeders for the front and back, and Chris gave me some special bird seed. The sparrows came back - but then Mr or Mrs Squirrel spotted the chance for some free food. Not only did he (she) take the seed, but he (she) knocked the feeder off the bird table and very nearly smashed it - twice. I have foiled him (her) now - but wiring the feeder onto the table so that he (she) will not be able to take it down. That will teach him (her)!

Watch this space! The sparrows have not returned - yet . . . 

Greenhouse spring cleaned!

Back from two hours in the greenhouse clearing the winter debris. The salvia are looking fine now I have trimmed them back. The Cala Lily bulbs and others are nicely dried off. And I am ready to plant the tomato seeds in the propogator - but that will have to wait for anther day as I am a bit tired now!