Expiry date

My B & Q Diamond Club tag is attached to my house keys. This morning, whilst invigilating at Oaks Park High School, I happened to spot that the expiry date is December 2050 - by which time I will be one hundred and seventeen. I mentioned this to my colleagues and Senior Invigilator Anne responded that she doubted if they would let me in if I turned up then. I am sure Anne is right, for I will be a difficult old fellow at that age, although some folk may feel that I am that already. And in case you ask, the B & Q Diamond Club is an exclusive gathering of the Over-60s who receive a 10% discount on Wednesdays. It is worth dropping in at B & Q on a Wednesday for you will be able to  feast your eyes on a wide array of walking aids. It is only a matter of time before London Ambulance post a paramedic at the door. The self-check-out is a laugh a minute as my fellow octogenarians fumble to make the machine work, until a kindly member of staff offers to help. And talking about fumbling, one thing that makes me more stressed than I can bear is when an old person climbs aboard a bus and then - and only then - starts looking for their bus pass. Pockets are explored, handbags delved into (and that's just the men), shopping baskets turned inside out - until realisation hits that they have it in their hand all the time!It is little wonder that my darling daughter threatens me with a care home most weeks.